ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Come share oat with me in your robe
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
