So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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