Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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