She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I deserve this hangover.
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