Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
