never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
