im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize