i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I could fuck to npr.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
