I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I haven't been this sober since birth.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
