How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize