wrigley field is MILF paradise
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
