Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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