she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
