yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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