Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
