Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
