Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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