she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he was CRYING into my vagina
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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