ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
