I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
