There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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