and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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