whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize