the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
