I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
