she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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