i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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