the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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