drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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