end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
