She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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