moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
