he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Come share oat with me in your robe
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
