At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize