I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
