My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
