I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
