____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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