You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
