Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
