You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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