I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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