conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
