God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize