i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize