I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He felt like a one man threesome
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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