If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
