i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
