ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
