if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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