This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im about as happy as oj after his trial
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize