Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
