Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
