I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
