Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize