yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
