D3 body, D1 cock
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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