Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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