I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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