I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
