If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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