if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
