I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
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