Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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