eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
