No awkward lesbian experiences without me
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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