first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
wow bdsm is so cute
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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