Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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