I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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