Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
