and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
