Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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