is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
