Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize