The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
