yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
