I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
