I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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