I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
