i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
