Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
