You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
jump out the window naked night went bad
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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