There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
