That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
