$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
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