She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
