I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
two words...techno handjob
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
