i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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