I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
