I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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