i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
