woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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