Non-Jews are for practice
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
