dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
