plz talk dirty to me
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
NoShamevember. You game?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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