Plan B is the new Plan A
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i think i have herpe
just one?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
