i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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